Dog Walking Fail

Ever had one of those moments when things have gone so spectacularly wrong that you have only two choices..?

1. Curl up in a fetal ball and whimper in pain, or
2. Jump up and saunter off as though nothing had happened

I had just such a situation on Boxing Day.

Renee and I were out walking Barney (our dog, rather than an elderly relation) through the Hermitage of Braid.

You may know the walk, but in case you don't, let me paint a picture.  On the left hand side there's the Braidburn; a fast flowing stream swollen by the recent rains.  On the right hand side, a steep bank, almost a cliff, covered in leaves and mud and very slippery.

The path is muddy, too.

So, I throw a stick up the steep slope and Barney and goes haring after it.  Unfortunately he gets stuck in a bramble patch and can't pull himself out.

I couldn't climb the slope where I'd thrown the stick so I had to scale the cliff in a slightly less steep place... which was still very slippery - two steps forward and at least one and half back.

I was about two thirds of the way up when I hear a shout from Renee... 'He's out!  He's got himself free!'

Oh, just spiffing.

I turned to start walking gingerly down the slope only for my lower foot to slide away from under me.  I had no choice: I had to bring my upper foot round to try and put the brakes on... only for it, too to slide out from under me.

Suddenly I'm running full tilt down the slope strides getting bigger and bigger and with no chance of stopping when I hit the flat path.

Sure enough, as I reached the flat my knees collapsed under me and I started heading for what was going to be a dramatic impact.

Just at that moment time slowed up and, as clear as day, I saw a lady standing on the path with her own dog on a lead (a Jack Russell as I recall)... clearly she'd been looking up the slope at Barney but her head was now swiveled to look at me and her mouth was hanging open.

Time clicked back to normal speed and I hit the ground, manged to just about get my shoulder underneath, rolled across my back and straight onto my feet.

I looked at the woman, nodded casually and said 'Morning' before sauntering jauntily up the path.

I'd never seen her before and I'll probably never see her again!

As I got round the corner and away from the shocked lady Renee caught sight of me and burst out laughing: I was soaking wet from head to knees where I'd hit the path, I had mud in my hair and across my face and my trainers were caked with gravel and leaves.

I ached for days afterwards and I badly dented my pride... next time I think I'll just go for the fetal ball... it's much simpler.