Messing with Richard's Mind

Richard is a strange kind of bloke: a place for everything and everything in its place is his motto.

Well, it isn't really, but it could be.

He can't leave anything out at home, it has to be put away and the guys in the office can't leave anything on his desk.  In fact, Richard doesn't even let himself leave anything on his desk unless he's working on it.

You see what we mean: odd.

But he's even odder than that.  Once he was out with Renee and they parked their car where they shouldn't.  They didn't realise this but the lovely Traffic Wardens did and the car got towed away.  When they came back to where they had left the car Richard's first thought wasn't: oh dear, my car has been towed or maybe stolen.  No, it was: OMG our car's gone invisible.

Anyway, Richard has a watch.

A very nice watch it is, too.  His mum and dad bought it for his 40th birthday.  It's got hands and a knob on the side to adjust the time and date.  The watch has worked perfectly for five years, all bar one change of battery.

Yesterday (24th January) Richard knew the date was correct because he'd been signing off tax returns with customers and had checked his watch when he was asked to confirm the day.  He also knew the watch was telling the right time when he went to bed at 11.30... cos he looked at his watch.

So explain how, if you would, when he looked at his watch at 7.30am the next morning it was all to cock.

And it wasn't because the watch had simply stopped working because the battery had run out: the second hand was still merrily clicking it's way around the face.  No, it's much more sinister than that.  Here's a list of what was wrong:

• The date now said Tuesday 2nd.  (Today is Saturday)
• It had changed to the French version (i.e. it said MAR 2, instead of TUE 2)
• The time was 11.54 according to the watch, but the second had was still turning and the watch was working fine

How could this possibly be?

Richard came up with 4 theories:

1. Renee changed his watch in order to mess with his mind
2. Barney changed his watch in order to mess with this mind
3. He'd been abducted by aliens and lost 11 months and 22 days and it's actually 2015
4. An external (probably paranormal) influence had worked on his watch

Let's look at each of these theories in turn so we can really assess how odd Richard actually is.  Here we go:

1. Why?
2. Difficult, Barney has paws not hands and he doesn't have an opposable thumb
3. Renee would have probably noticed he'd been gone and would have mentioned that fact
4. Refer to 1

Okay, so Richard's theories are clearly the wild imaginings of a deranged being who has almost completed his first January working in an accountancy practice... but that doesn't alter the fact that something happened to his watch.

By the way, since he changed his watch back tot he correct settings more than 8 hours ago it's worked perfectly.

Any ideas post them on our Facebook page: the more bizarre the better... because, of course, it will mess with Richard's mind.

I'm ahead... for the first time in my life

Richard was working with a client 'darn sarth' earlier in the week.

It was rush job so the only hotel he could get in to was a Travelodge... but it was okay, it was a new one!

He'd been over the road for his tea - (Two for One and the Marstons Inn) and was coming back into the Travelodge.

The foyer wasn't a particularly nice place - very small, locked door, security screen for the receptionist, that sort of thing.  But there was a vending machine and the Double Deckers caught Richard's eye.

'Hang it all,' he thought, 'I haven't had one for ages, I'm having a Double Decker.'

80 pence it was and Richard happened to have a pound coin in his pocket.  He put the coin into the slot, made his selection and the chocolate bar dropped into the tray, shortly followed by a clunk as his change was dispensed.

He retrieved his chocolate bar and then scooped the coin (which he assumed was a 20 pence piece) out of its receptacle.  Imagine his delight when it turned out to be the very same pound coin he'd put in just a few seconds earlier.

It was a real Fawlty Towers moment.  'I'm ahead,' he crooned to himself, 'For the first time in my life, I'm ahead.'

The he surreptitiously hid the coin and slinked up to his room, all the time expecting the receptionist to clamp a hand on to his shoulder and demand that he paid for the Double Decker.

Later, when he'd calmed down, Richard was reflecting on his good fortune and how good it made him feel... after all, it was such a tiny thing to have such a big impact.

But it's true of customers interactions, too.  Little things = Big things in the minds' of customers.  It's the little touches that people remember and so Richard resolved to get better at the little things which have the largest impact.

Not that he's going to buy everyone a Double Decker!

Of teeth and telephones

Happy New Year to you all,

It's been a funny old start to 2014 even beyond the usual madness of January and the tax return season... which I'll come on to later.

Let's start with dentists... yes, dentists.

It has to be said that I didn't know I had any dental issues and I'm still not 100% sure that I have.  The Hygienist was very sceptical as she went through a long list of potential symptoms that I think I should have been experiencing:

•    'Pain in your gums?'  No

•    'Sensitivity to cold?'  No

•    'Sensitivity to warmth?'  Nope

•    'Pangs?'  Was that 'pangs?  'Yes'.  No

•    'Bleeding?'  No

•    'Does this hurt?'  Along came a jab with a sharp implement.  Not really

•    'Ah!  Numbness!'

Anyway, apparently I was suffering from pockets for which the cure was three visits to the Hygienist to have these pockets scraped of bad stuff so that good stuff could grow in its place... at least that's how it was explained to me.

I don't have a dentist-phobia so actually the sessions apart from the occasional scrape weren't too bad and were actually quiet relaxing - half an hour laying on my back with not much to think about!

But the point I was getting to was an argument the Hygienist had with her assistant.

When I first lay down in the chair I thought the surgery was pretty hot, but of course, I didn't say anything.  A few minutes after she started the Hygienist said to her assistant: 'We're going to have to turn down the heating... It's stifling in here.'

Hear, hear thinks I.

But she got an argument.

'But I'm cold!'

'Well, you can leave the room.'

At which point I managed to mumble with (with two pairs of hands wedged firmly in me mouth) 'You can borrow my number if you like.'

I could have been scarcely intelligible but I was completely understood and I was faced with a somewhat tight lipped smile and a 'no thanks!'

Five minutes later the heating was turned back up!

Now, it has to be said our new office is fairly cold on account of the whacking great hole in the window that was put there by a delinquent just before Christmas.  On our snagging list one of the team decided to write 'It's freezing cold!'

To me that's not snagging and so my response was - put a jumper on!

About the move to the new office - thanks for asking - for the most part it's gone really smoothly and even IT was pretty good.  In fact, our IT guys (sortmypc.co.uk) are absolute geniuses.

They had to do a bit of fancy jiggery pokery with routers and telephones. 

At one point he telephone rang and Angus (sortmypc.co.uk) shouted across the office 'I take it because the 'phones are ringing they're working?'

See what I mean.  A real IT guru!

Welcome to 2014!